Illium
by Millijana
Summary: Shepard still tries to come to terms with the things that happened on Horizon when they reached Illium.


She knew this was not an appropriate moment to get distracted. But she got this glance on something that made her unable to listen to this cop anymore.

Garrus would know where to go. She could rely on him. She kept on nodding to everything the Asari in front of her was telling her, but instead of actually listening she tried to get a glimpse on the man who had walked past the window a few minutes ago.

Her pulse was running. Could it be? What would he be doing here? Did he change his mind? No, she thought, he probably didn't. If her mind didn't play tricks on her it was a coincident that he showed up here.

"Good luck, Commander", the Asari said and it took Ronja a few seconds to realize that the conversation was over.

They left the building and stopped in front of it. Garrus looked at her accusingly. He knew that she hadn't been listening. But he did not know why.

"We can leave any minute, I just have to check on something. Wait here."

She left her squad where they stood and walked in the direction she had watched the man walk. Maybe she could catch up.

"What's up with her?" she heard Kasumi ask.

"I have no idea", Garrus answered.

No of course they did not know. How should they. They did what they were here for. Recruiting an Asari Justicar called Samara. But instead of being a professional their Commander got distracted by a man who reminded her of someone. How could they know?

They did not know of hours lying awake, thinking of him. Remembering the short time they had together and they knew nothing of missing him, his kisses and his touch. They did not know that her last thoughts were for him. That she had wished to see him one last time.

They did not know that all her hopes had been risen on Horizon, just to get cut down by him, the man she had hoped for, had thought about all the weeks from her waking up, to that moment, when they met. Garrus maybe knew, or better remembered, her asking everyone about him. Where he was, what he was doing... Anything - Any little information that he was okay.

But he wasn't and after his message she knew why. It gave her reason to survive; once again it was him who made her fight harder. It gave her a reason to meet him again, tell what really had happened. Telling him about her feelings and the things she was struggling with.

She realized that it was not only the love thing she was missing. She missed her Lt., who always had her back and listened, had maybe a though on something she missed. Who kicked her ass, when she was about to give up.

She had to check if it was him. She simply had to. It felt like a wasted chance if she wouldn't.

No matter if she was here for something completely different.

She saw the armor. The very same he had been wearing on Horizon. There was something different but she could not place her finger on it.

"Shepard", she heard Garrus say.

Why could he not follow a simple order when he should? She ignored him - pretended not have heard him.

"It's not him." This time it was Kasumi.

Yeah, she would know, because she saw him one single time. Shepard on the other side had spent months on a vessel with him. She had spent her free time with him, talked night after night about everything - their past, their experiences, the crew - everything. Feelings. Loss. Dreams.

Ronja kept walking. She raised her Hand, to grab his shoulder, to turn him around. She wants him to see her, before he hears her. Something is wrong.

The woman he is talking with eyes Ronja suspiciously. She had to be quick, but she hesitated too long and he turned around.

Ronja stopped in the middle of her movement. Her mouth opened, unspoken words on her lips, hopes in her eyes that were about to break - once again.

"May I help you somehow?" he asked puzzled.

Shepard needed a second to recover enough to answer him: "Er, no, thanks, I'm just mistaking you with someone else. Sorry", she mumbled and turned around quickly.

She clenched her fists so hard that she felt her nails digging in her armor, breaking on it.

How could she be this stupid? Has she become insane? Especially under the eyes of her crew.

Of course it was not him. How could she have thought something like this? He had other duties than spying on her. She had given everything she had found so far to the Alliance, instead of Cerberus. Anderson still seems to trust her. At least as far as he can spit. And whatever she did, Kaidan would get the most important information about it.

She didn't calm down until she reached the police line that fenced off the crime scene.

Garrus and Kasumi caught up with her and just looked at her.

They said nothing. Maybe this wasn't so bad after all.

Garrus was possibly the best friend she had, and would maybe understand her. He knew her best. That was why he knew what she was about to do, before she had been sure herself.

And Kasumi? She knew this. Ronja asked herself how often Kasumi might mistake someone for Keiji. And if that'd been why she'd told her that it hadn't been 'him'. Had she made similar experiences? Maybe the two of them were more alike than Ronja had known.

"Let's find this Justicar and leave this place", Garrus said.

Ronja shot a glance at him and realizes that he wouldn't lose a word about what had happened a few minutes ago.

Another glance at Kasumi told Ronja that die Thief wouldn't either.

She nodded. "Yeah, that's a good idea. I've already enough of this planet." She had known before that she had a good crew. But she hadn't realized how many friends she had among them.


End file.
